HAMILTON: BEING A TRUE ACCOUNT OF AMERICA'S GREATEST PRESIDENT ACT I

HAMILTON:

BEING A TRUE ACCOUNT OF THE HISTORY OF AMERICA’S GREATEST PRESIDENT

Prologue:

[Enter UNCLE SAM and THE STATUE OF LIBERTY]

SAM: Well Howdy there folks, my name be Uncle Sam and this here is my purty, little wife, Lady Liberty.

LIBERTY: Welcome!

SAM: A lot of y’all out there may think ya know the history of ‘Murica cause y’all got you some book learning or ya went to one of em fancy schools. [spits] Hogwash all of it! y’all know ‘bout as much ‘bout ‘Murica as my nose knows ‘bout my toes!  

LIBERTY: Sam, get to the point.

SAM: Right, well now let me tell y’all all ‘bout ‘Murica and the man who singlehandedly made it great. His name were Alexander Hamilton and it began a long ways back.

LIBERTY: Sam, maybe we should show them and not tell them?

SAM: Darn good idea hon! well let’s get this show on the road folks!

[Exit SAM and LIBERTY]

End of Prologue

Act 1

Scene 1

     [Plymouth Rock: Lots of greenery and undisturbed wilderness. Enter               

     ALEXANDER HAMILTON and THOMAS JEFFERSON]

JEFFERSON: Well Alex, we made it!

HAMILTON: So this is India is it?

JEFFERSON: No Alex, we’re in America, Plymouth Bay to be precise.

HAMILTON: And not a moment too soon, Tom. If I had to stay on The Mayflower one more second, I think I would have jumped into the ocean.

JEFFERSON: Ha! Ha! Ha! Silly Alex, only fish belong in the ocean.

HAMILTON [making dramatic hand gestures]: Yes Tom, Fish must swim in the sea, birds must fly in the air, and I…I must belong in my own environment. If only I knew what that was…

JEFFERSON: Well here seems as good a place as any, except maybe Jamaica; I could really see myself on those beaches.

HAMILTON: I do not know Tom, I came to America because you said I should, but what is there to make me stay? What is it that makes this great land so great?

JEFFERSON: Well… [Singing]:

You’ve got the pretty trees from coast to coast

A squirrel could jump the whole way I dare boast.

You’ve got a sea; what’s more a shining sea,

On which to float and catch fish nice and free.

Check out this soil, it’s nice and moist and brown

It fills every field and forest and town.

You ask me what makes America great?

I’ll give you reasons, a hundred and eight

HAMILTON: Well that’s all very well if you love nature, but what else is there that makes America great?

JEFFERSON: You want more? Well…

You got people here, better than most

They’ll fix you a nice slice of turkey roast

Pass me the peace pipe brother, I’m ready to smoke,

Just be careful you don’t go and choke, bloke.

They hang out and hunt on the great plains,

But they’ve enough sense to come in when it rains

Wigwams and buffalo are they’re scene,

If you like one you can give him a vaccine

You ask me what makes America great?

I’ll give you reasons, a hundred and eight.

HAMILTON: Well they sound like lovely people and all Tom, but that is just not grabbing me. What else is there?

JEFFERSON: You want more? Well…

Taxes, fines, tickets, and lawyers too,

Of them you’ll see fewer and few.

America is a fresh start,

From rules you’ll be apart.

Aren’t no kings here and your lacking any prince,

As for property rights, you won’t find one fence.

You ask me what makes America great?

I’ll give you reasons, a hundred and eight.

HAMILTON: Well, I can certainly get behind that, but without all the rules, regulations, and monarchs, what do we have in America?

JEFFERSON: Well…

Here in America your utterly free

Here you’ve got all liberty.

HAMILTON: Liberty?

JEFFERSON: Liberty!

HAMILTON: Liberty?

JEFFERSON: Liberty!

Here you’ll find nothing but liberty

Why it even grows on that tree!

Liberty lying all over the place, see?

Here in America were young and free!

Who’s free, why you and me, even that bee!

It doesn’t cost a dime, cause to it there is no fee!

Everybody will just let you be,

Cause you’ve got liberty!

You ask me what makes America great?

I’ll give you reasons, a hundred and eight!

HAMILTON: Wow! Liberty! America really is great!

HAMILTON: I told you.

TOGETHER:

Here you’ll find nothing but liberty

Why it even grows on that tree!

Liberty lying all over the place, see?

Here in America were young and free!

Who’s free, why you and me, even that bee!

It doesn’t cost a dime, cause to it there is no fee!

Everybody will just let you be,

Cause you’ve got liberty!

You ask us what makes America great?

We’ll give you reasons, a hundred and eight!

HAMILTON: Come my friend, let us go and discover this wondrous land and the liberty within!

JEFFERSON: Word!

[Exit HAMILTON and JEFFERSON]

End Scene 1

Scene II

[The House of Lords in England. Sitting around a great table are LORD BYRON, LORD LOVAT, and LORD TENNYSON]

TENNYSON: You’re being ridiculous Byron.

BYRON: Your face is being ridiculous Tennyson.

TENNYSON: Byron, we cannot very well execute Mr. Wordsworth.

BYRON: Why not? I have presented my charges against the so-called “poet”, and they are well and virtuous.

TENNYSON: This is simply a piece of paper that reads, “He stinks and I hate him”

BYRON: I rest my case.

LOVAT: Now, now gentlemen, let us calm down. There is no need to lose our heads over the matter.

BYRON: Would that we did, Lovat, then at least I would be unable to hear Wordy’s prattle any longer, nor thine either Tennyson.

     [Enter AARON BURR, a figure cloaked in black carrying a staff, speaking in a voice    

     reminiscent of Brother Theodore.

BYRON: What do you here sir?

BURR: My gracious, gracious and noble lords, I have come from far, yes very far shores to report to you many proceedings. Yes.

TENNYSON: Of what sort, stranger?

BURR: I come from your colonies. America, yes?

BYRON [drolly]: We are aware of the place

LOVAT: Come Byron, I want to see where this is Heading.

BURR: You are aware of America, but are you aware, yes, are you aware of what they say against You there?
TENNYSON: What mean you?
BURR: It is shouted in the streets, yes in the streets, ‘Death to the King! Death to his Lords! Death to England!’ Yes, very bad.

TENNYSON: Disgusting creatures.

BURR: That, no, that is not all. They have refused, completely refused, to pay the tax upon tea!

BYRON: Why, that is an outrage! We must put those Yanks in their place!

LOVAT: Let’s not get aHead of ourselves, this is not so great offense that it demands us Heading to war.

BURR: There is, yes there is one final reason

TENNYSON: What?

BURR: Alas, it is, it is so, so egregious, I cannot even bring myself to speak it. No.

BYRON: Well then, there is not much we can do about it.

BURR [pulling out a poster]: Here though, this, this poster shall explain it! [hands them the poster]

TENNYSON: (reading) ‘Lost Dog. Name: Bingo. Breed: Beagle. Height: One and a half feet. Weight: Seventy Pounds. Color: White and brow…’ (Looking at Burr): Why, what is this? Why is colour spelled without a ‘u’?

BURR: Alas, that was what I could not say. An act, yes, a great act of defiance it is. They  change the spelling of many words in defiance.

BYRON: Why this cannot stand! They might break our rules and disrespect us, but to change the very building blocks of our language? That is a crime against humanity itself!

TENNYSON: We stand one in purpose here Byron! Let us deal death to these fell beasts masquerading as men!

LOVAT: Off with their heads!

[Exit THE LORDS. BURR is left alone.]

BURR: Yes, yes go off and fight with the Americans. A good war it will be, a long one, yes. And when, yes, and when the victor emerges, I shall be there to swallow them up like a frog swallows a fly! [Laughs]

[singing]

Me, I just want to rule

I must, for America is a fool,

I know what is best for it

But I tell them and they have a fit.

My thoughts they are so great,

But not one will they satiate.

It seems to me then there is but one recourse,

To take the land by way of force.

And do it I could for I am strong

My power like a bell does gong,

Yet I am remiss to fight the whole nation,

Better the British should first wreck many a station,

Then will I go and present myself, messiah.

And then they’ll bow down and call me ‘sire’

I shall be their King,

Oh that has a nice ring.

King Burr the First,

My enemies a bratwurst,

To be consumed and digested by me.

It shall work, you shall see!

[Exit Burr]

End Scene II

Scene III

     [Philadelphia, July 4^th. the first continental congress is in session with many a      

     founding father present. Delegates from all of the states are seated at tables

      while BENJAMIN FRANKLIN stands in the middle. JEFFERSON sits at a  

     nearby desk taking down notes of the proceedings. HAMILTON is sitting in a

     dark corner brooding]

NEW YORK DELEGATE: Gentlemen, it is madness to think of leaving Britain. We should remain and by doing so, I am certain things will get better for us.

WISCONSION DELEGATE: I’m sorry Harold, I can’t hear you over the jingle of all the British cash in your purse. You and your New York values are the opposite of what this congress needs.

NEW YORK DELEGATE: At least I do not reek of curds and way as you do, Manfred.

CALIFORNIAN DELEGATE: Guys, you need to just like, chill out, it isn’t, like, that big a deal whether we leave or not.

SOUTH DAKOTAN DELEGATE: Tis the entire reason we are here Stephen!

CALIFORNIAN DELEGATE: What?

BENJAMIN FRANKLIN: Gentlemen! Gentlemen please! We must all hang together! Or most assuredly, we shall all hang separately.

[HAMILTON suddenly leaps up onto a nearby table and points an accusing finger at FRANKLIN]

HAMILTON: Nay learned one! You may know about publishing books and summoning lightening to rain down upon our enemies, but you betray your lack of knowledge about liberty! Liberty means disagreeing with one another and not falling in line with the majority! Liberty means we can fight and hate one another; and who are you, you dotard buffoon, to deny these men their liberty? Would you make yourself a little King George? King Benny of America? You disgust me!

FRANKLIN: Well good sir, if you are so talented at speaking ill to those who are clearly your superior, perhaps you have some words for King George and Old England about our plight? Hmm?

HAMILTON [silent for a moment]: Aye, I have something to speak to him, yet not only to one man nor one country, but to all of humanity.

FRANKLIN: Well out with it then!

HAMILTON: I would say that, when in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation. We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness—Tom, are you writing all of this down?

JEFFERSON: Every word Alex.

HAMILTON: Good, I might be at this for a while. Now where was I? Oh yes, That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed…[fade to black]

End Scene III

Scene IV

     [A battlefield. GEORGE WASHINGTON enters from Stage Right,

     HAMILTON and JEFFERSON enter from Stage Left. HAMILTON

     grabs WASHINGTON]

HAMILTON: General, where are you going?

WASHINGTON: It is hopeless Hamilton! The British have entombed themselves upon Bunker Hill in-between the towns of Lexington and Concord! Surrounding that place is the icy Delaware, which no man may cross and live! And before that even lies the Valley Forge, intricately mined by the Redcoats. We haven’t a chance!

HAMILTON: General, this is our last opportunity to drive the British out! If we do not defeat them this day, it shall all be over for us! Will you go back to Philadelphia and tell them ‘The British are Coming?’ For I shan’t! [Hamilton reaches down to the ground and picks up a fallen American flag and raises it like a spear.]  Come! We shall strike a final blow for liberty which shall crack these fellows from side to side!

WASHINGTON: Hamilton, you cannot! It is suicide!

HAMILTON: Mayhap General, but if the day is not won, we shall always be under the British yoke, and to that I say, Give me Liberty or give me death! Charge!

     [Hamilton charges and exits stage right, Jefferson following close behind.

     Washington tarries for a moment before following. The sounds of battle are

      heard off stage with cries of “Liberty”, shouts, cannon fire, musket fire, and

      the hollow gasp of death ringing out. From Stage Right enters a Redcoat,

     slowly dragging himself along on his hands and knees. Hamilton enters and

     places his foot on the man’s back before raising the flag]

HAMILTON (Singing):

Oh, say, can you see, by the dawn’s early light,

What so proudly we hail’d at the twilight’s last gleaming?

Whose broad stripes and bright stars, thro’ the perilous fight,

O’er the ramparts we watch’d, were so gallantly streaming?

And the rockets’ red glare, the bombs bursting in air,

Gave proof thro’ the night that our flag was still there.

O say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave

O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

End Act 1